SPRING FEVER.

Alas, the long embittered winter has found rest in the bosom of another season gone by. And behold, spring is upon us! For some, this means prepping for finals, tying up loose academic ends, and studying hard to finish the year well. For others, however, spring takes on a more…care free tone.

I speak on behalf of these “others”…the sane ones. For, if you have any common sense still rattling around in your head after a nearly a year of college learning, you well know that now is the time to, well, check out. Yes, give up. Don’t try. Bust loose, as they say. You have traversed the academic wilderness well, and now it is time to rest your weary head in the knowledge that you did what you did and there ain’t no undoing. It’s the time to stop while you’re ahead instead of killing yourself for finals that you will bomb anyway.

People everywhere are closing their textbooks to throw frisbees. They are forsaking the study room to pursue attractive companions for the June-August bliss period. Yes, they may fail their finals. Yes, they and their spring fever cutie will be history by the fall semester. And yes, some will even lose their academic scholarships. But those things are irrelevant. What matters is that they’re infected with feverous illness that only the sweet, sweet sweltering summer can cure. And it is beautiful. Spring fever, my college companions, has hit.

My charge to you is this: Grip that fever like a boss. Trash your half-typed theses and throw on your short shorts, gents. Go waste 13 hours straight playing COD. Empty what little your bank account has left from your loving parents on ice cream and 80’s music. Go buy a puppy. Sleep through class. Wrestle a bear. Eat your cereal with chocolate milk. Go crazy. (#YOLO)

You, my fine frat friend, have reached the point where you let go of the steering wheel and sing Carrie Underwood’s heart-warming anthem. Spring time is when the coldness of well-worn study habits thaw and new life and energy burst up from the ground…sometimes in the form of a mandatory trip to the Dean’s office. But alas, every bird in God’s creation is leaving its nest. It’s time for you to leave the library. You may get an ‘F’ in your Bio Lab, but I’ll bet that pineapple milkshake you’re sipping in a hammock behind the library never tasted so good.

Welcome to college.

WEEKLY CAMPUS CRAZE.

It may seem strange, but fuzzy aloe-infused socks like these are taking the campus by storm. Maybe because the new-fallen snow has everyone’s tootsies calling out for a little extra attention. Maybe it’s because it feels like a thousand little baby bunnies are kissing your feet with every step. Either way, your feet will love you forever.

VIRAL JUNK MY DORM LIKES.

http://www.hulu.com/embed/98kCKb2_6hZcppC-jMnRfQ

A holiday favorite. Give me some of that cheese ball…

THE INSANITY THAT IS PRE-FINALS.

 Everybody and their grandmother whines about finals week. “It’s the hardest part of the semester”…blah, blah, blah. Well, I don’t know what they’re smoking, but they’re straight-up wrong. Everyone knows finals week is a breeze. By the time the wrap-up exams roll around, your grade in any given class is pretty much solidified anyway. That coffin has been nailed shut, and if you haven’t achieved your desired grade by this point, well, just give up. A final isn’t going to change the end result of a semester worth of laziness and habitual slacking. So when they come around, don’t over-exert yourself. Look over some notes real quick and give it your best shot.

All this to say, finals week is not the hardest part of the semester. The week or two leading up to it is really the time to be feared. The supreme council of collegiate suffering has convened, and you (the innocent student) are their target. Brace yourself, kid. You have 9 papers due on Tuesday and 5 exams on Wednesday. These are followed by the 8 presentations that Thursday holds. Then, as the academic cherry on top, Friday brings about another 2 papers, a speech, and a 90-minute presentation on a topic that brings nausea to all who so much as hear your thesis statement. My advice to you: hold on. College might just demand some effort on your part this week. You’ll make it through, but probably just barely.

 

Welcome to college.

 

WEEKLY CAMPUS CRAZE.

Lights. Lights everywhere. People leave and come back with more. And then leave again for more when they realize that the six strands they bought from Goodwill aren’t enough to wrap every desk and bed frame under their jurisdiction. Heaven have mercy, my floor is undoubtedly contributing to the energy crisis. ‘Tis the season?

VIRAL JUNK MY DORM LIKES.

I know we’re terrible, finding humor in another’s pain. But this video inspires laughter every time. The sound she makes is just so glorious.

REST.

Papers. Exams. Deadlines. Burned popcorn. Cleaning your room. Living with a roommate. Ramen noodles. Meetings. Finding (or trying to find) quarters for laundry day. Late nights. McDonald’s runs.  Essays. Professors. That obnoxious music that reverberates through your walls from the floor below. 8 a.m. classes. Inadvertently sleeping through exams. Scheduling for next semester. Extracurricular activities. Grades. Finals approaching.

Welcome to college. Now get some rest this holiday.

THE TURKEY DUMP.

In a perfect world, every relationship lasts forever. But in college world, everyone knows that sometimes things just don’t unfold in the most ideal way. Turkey Drop is a reminder of this.

While your cholesterol and weight are rising, some things are getting dropped. I.e., significant others. Hence how this sub-holiday received its title. People who thought their relationship was invulnerable to the changes and trials that college can bring about may just see otherwise during this season of thick gravy and thicker realizations. That cute girl who had a boyfriend back home when school started? She may just be coming back to school as a part of the singles parade. That boy who’s been “taken” (to the dismay of multitudes of females) since the first day of classes? He’s as solo as Han himself.

It’s a sad thing to recognize sometimes, but the truth still stands. Not everything works out every time. Sometimes, after you’ve been given some time apart, the truth just becomes clear. And the Turkey Drop is a solid time to take  action if things just aren’t going like they should. Don’t wait for Christmas. Christmas is too harsh. If it’s going to happen, let it be under the blessing of the Pilgrim’s.

Welcome to college.

DARE BE DARE.

Truth or dare? This question plagues the hours of vastest boredom. You’re all sitting around, there is nothing to do, this is the fall back. But everyone knows that the “truth” option is most often used as a cop-out choice. For this reason, some friends of mine here at school developed an alternative version of this beloved classic. It’s called “Dare Be Dare.” (Yes, the name butchers everything your mom taught you regarding proper grammar. That’s irrelevant.) Basically, you have two options- each being the same option. No more sliding by with questions that were pulled out of the air that you never answer honestly anyway. A dare, by nature, is undeniably legitimate. If you do not accomplish the task, everyone knows. To borrow the words of Yoda, “Do or do not. There is no try.” That’s why Dare Be Dare is so wonderful. Because it’s 100% effective. However you want to slice the pie, you’ll still end up doing something to make yourself look like a fool. Sounds a lot more exciting, right? Right.

 

Welcome to college.

VIRAL JUNK MY DORM LIKES.

I don’t know how this started, but it pretty much speaks for itself: